The only other witchcraft book I got from Hayhouse is Witch by Lisa Lester whom teaches only women with wombs and bleed and refuse birth control are witches. So I *am* abit worried but hayhouse actually posted a warning on the listing for this book as “real witchcraft” but they didn’t do that for Lisa’s Witch nor Rebecca’s Rise Sister Rise. We have made it, Witches, Hayhouse put a god damn warning label on their own book.
This is an author I have never read but the book kept calling to me so I got it.
I had her The Green Witch book, and this weekend I’m getting her other two hardcover books. Sometimes I’m too tired or too broken to leave home, so I hope this book will give me low spoon ideas for treating my home like a temple.
It starts as it usually does. Me turning on either Halsey, Hayley Kiyoko or Twenty One Pilots. Laying down some spell books. Making room for some decks I’ve dusted off. Selecting the right fox plush for the work required. Then hitting the play button. Letting Loki take over the space.
Lately I’ve been thrown for a loop. I’m starting to question my belief I’m Genderfluid, and that I am just Agender. I’m also starting to suspect I’m into only women or femme. I used to lean alot on Panromantic.
Labels are great, and I get alot of grief for refusing to give them up. Yet, we don’t have good words for a Non-Binary person leaning more towards one half the gender spectrum over the other half. Nor can we say weather it’s that simple.
I asked Loki to make it make sense. They smiled a sad sorta smile as “Bad at Love” came on. How fitting we both mused aloud at the same time. Loki says we humans are so obsessed with gender that we can’t strip it away even if we want to. That, Love is messy and the best love hurts but They say it’s a good kinda hurt, and that when you feel it, you will never and that no poem has ever come close to it. They say words can’t really express it right, not that we should try not to.
When your a “neither”, Gay,Lesbian, Bisexual and Pansexual don’t fit right. Sure, Bi and Pan both mean more than one gender. But for some reason, they don’t fit right. Like a jacket that was so nice at first but months later, you realize it’s the wrong size but can’t explain in what way (Too loose? Too Tight?).
And, what would I do if I was wrong about it all? What if I’m A in so many ways? Aromantic, Asexual, Agender and Autism. Plus with Anxiety, thats another A to add to the pile.
I can’t accept being Aromantic, for some reason. I just burst into tears and beg Freyja to make me fall in love so I can be normal and that the freak friend in the group. I’ve begged Frigga as well. Both just smile and list all the forms of love that require no romantic attraction.
I could bath in a tub of Asexual pride items. Being Asexual is a sense of smug pride. I’m working on no longer saying sorry for being autistic.
Yet, I told Loki, that my soul would shatter if I’m Aromantic. I want the faery tale stories I see all over the internet. I want a Witchy girlfriend, cats at our feet. If being Aromantic meant loosing that, I don’t know how I would cope.
It feels like such a silly thing to even care about. I’m gonna be 32 this Sept. I’ve been single since my early 20’s. I don’t chase lovers in my UU Church. I do varying group stuff. I keep telling myself that my Taurus is waiting for me.
Can I still have my Taurus if I’m Aromantic? I have asked this to Loki, Freyja and Frigga. They all keep listing all the love not needing romantic attraction.
I want something soul to soul. Something that transcends human words. Something that they will say was painted in the stars, that the full moon whispered to the ground about.
I dread the day, I’m forced to realize I’m Aromantic. I never gave much thought to the claims you can be -phobic to your own labels, where your fine with it in others but never yourself.
Is this what my life is for? Witchcraft, deity devotion and dying alone? Idk.
I told Loki i missed reading witchcraft books, and They pointed out how many great books are out there if I wasn’t so caught up in not being caught with a “fluffy” book. They were right.
I ordered 3 witchy books today, will be buying 3 more next weekend. Time to stop caring if someone deems a book I eye as fluff. Maybe I want fluff. Maybe I want that pink mass market spell book off of Amazon. Maybe I don’t have to be Hermione Granger towards the Craft 24/7. Maybe I can be more Like Luna for abit.
I just wanna curl up with some spellbooks, A fox plush or two, Watch some paranormal shows with Loki and not be on high alert for not looking “serious enough” about my Craft.
Bought Loki more music cuz thats what I do when I need the wheels greased so things will move, cuz I pay the toll of new music, and then Loki makes the wheels move. It’s a fair trade off I feel.
When sharing stories of Loki, I may speak of myself with:
This is a past gender (Clunky wording, I know), before I realized I wasn’t cisgender. Please do not call me a Girl nor clock me as a girl. I’m Gender Queer, and trying to figure it out. Sometimes I am so sure I am Genderfluid, other times I think I’m only Agender.
I use They/Them/Theirs with Loki at their request. I know this may come off as odd to some. Maybe you feel Loki hasn’t requested it from you. I can’t speak on your personal Godphone experiences.
So you may use He or She with Loki in a comment but I will always use They like Loki requested from me.